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I’m going to preface this whole post with two things: 1) If you couldn’t tell by the title, I’m pissed. I promised I wouldn’t post an emotional, pissed off entry at my usual haunt and 2) I’m pissed, so you can do your own research on this one. It’s my site and I pay the bills, so I can post emotional and pissed off posts and not provide links for a change.

Anybody who pay attention to college football in general, or Georgia football in particular, knows the drama. A quick synopsis for the unwashed – Mark Richt gave most of the Bulldawg Nation an early Christmas present by deciding not to rehire Willie Martinez as Defensive Coordinator next year. This was good. Then the drama started. We offered Bud Foster of Va Tech – he stayed for a 5-year annuity worth $1M. Then the word, which I’m still not sure whether or not to believe, is that Vic Koenning of Kansas State turned us down to go be Ron Zook’s coordinator at Illinois. Then former Tennessee DC John Chavis parlayed our offer into a healthy raise to stay at LSU right around New Year’s. Then things got QUIET. The only names seriously mentioned were Todd Grantham, a line coach for the Cowboys and Kirby Smart, the DC for Alabama.

The lull was understandable – the Cowboys were prepping for their Wild Card game against the Eagles and the Tide were prepping for their MNC game against Texas. Another name sort of surfaced in the lull – Travis Jones, who is a line coach for the Saints, who are also preparing for the playoffs. Anyway, it’s a lull – things happen when a fanbase has time to let their imaginations wander. So, during the pre-MNC pressers, Kirby states that he’s happy with Alabama and has no desire to leave. Okay, I can live with that – it’s honest and doesn’t waste anyone’s time. Attention is turned to Grantham and, hedging bets, Jones.

Then the MNC goes to the Tide. Kirby’s got his Broyles Award (top assistant coach in all of college football) and an MNC as DC. But lots of folks (Tide fans ESPECIALLY) are saying that it’s Saban’s defense and that all Kirby does is call the plays within the scheme Saban sets up. Hmmmm. Kirby even gets mentioned as a candidate for the recently vacated Texas Tech position by Brent Musberger during the broadcast. Hmmmm. Then the TT prez, who was in attendance at the MNC game, says “Nope. Sorry. Purely coincidental.” And hires Tommy Tuberville a few days later. So, Kirby’s still the DC at Bama making not quite $400k a year.

Then something happens right after the MNC – Kirby says that he hasn’t talked to Mark Richt “in weeks” which leads my silly mind to believe that he would have had to have talked to him weeks ago. I doubt Richt was asking a 34-year-old fresh DC for recommendations for applicants. Well, maybe Richt was asking for an extra donation from the alumni to help pay for the new guy. Then, this Saturday, news (and rumors) start flooding the web.

David Pollack gave me the first hint by saying that UGA made a SMART decision for their DC on his Twitter feed. Then Rivals.com reports that Georgia has formally offered the DC job to Kirby. A small charter jet leaves from Dekalb-Peachtree airport (Ben Epps in Athens was apparently closed) and heads to Tuscaloosa, stays for an hour, then returns Saturday night. The speculation builds. Pollack reiterates his stance all Sunday on Twitter. Interesting.

Monday morning rolls around. Footballcoachscoop.com reports that Smart has accepted the offer to become Georgia’s next DC. Rivals.com shortly reports the same thing. A small charter plane leaves Ben Epps airport in Athens, bound for Tuscaloosa, at about 0830. Holy crap, this might actually be happening!! The plane stays all day. Through lunch. Excitement and rampant speculation abound. Talk begins that Smart will actually get Jones to come onboard as part of the staff. Speculation about the contract says that it’s 3 or 4 years, worth $700k or $800k per year. Then IT happens.

Tide coach Nick Saban, at a press conference with one of his (former) players announcing his intention to turn pro, announces that Kirby is staying put. Shortly after, a statement is released by Smart himself, saying how happy he is in Tuscaloosa, how he has a great mentor in Saban, how Georgia holds a special place in his and his wife’s heart (she’s an alum, too), etc. And the collective blog and other internet pundits of the Bulldawg Nation (after picking their collective chins up) go to their corners.

I was a part of this. A huge part. In honesty, I was at the head of the charge of the cavalcade of crazy. I watched the private flight information on the web. I even setup an email alert for flight plans and advisories for the plane that flew down this morning. I engaged every source, real and imagined, that I had for information. I had my hopes set SO high for this hire, and the upcoming season. So, yeah, it’s personal. And in case you couldn’t tell yet, I’m firmly entrenched in the camp of “Kirby Smart has lost his Athens privileges FOREVER” and object to his being hung by the neck from a Sanford Stadium goal post until dead, dead, dead in only the most pedestrian fashion. And here’s why:

First, those of you who are taking his side by saying you can’t fault his decision to stay with a proven winner, etc only AFTER he turned us down are placating suckers. I’ll get to why, in this case, the medium is the message in a minute. Those of you who are suddenly saying that you weren’t that sold on him as a good candidate only AFTER he turned us down are either fence-sitters who didn’t say a word throughout this whole drama or, at worst, hypocrites – you were just as geeked up about this (potential) hire as I was. And being that I’ve never let tact or other people’s feelings get in the way of saying what’s on my mind……

There are myriad reasons why he could have decided to stay, but first let me get to why he could have said YES to his Alma Mater. First of all, it’s his Alma Mater. The place that traded his better-than-average skills as a defensive back for an undergraduate degree. The place that gave him a job in the football program not once, but twice. The place that needed him right now. Then there’s the whole “living in Saban’s shadow” thing. Richt offered him full control of the defense – play calling, scheme, assistants, EVERYTHING. A place he could really make his mark if he turned the defense around – not a terribly difficult task considering his predecessor. And then there’s the money – basically doubling your salary to work closer to home, at your Alma Mater, with full control. Pretty heady stuff, I’d think.

But that wasn’t good enough. Maybe, by staying, he’s saying that he doesn’t think HE’S good enough. I can actually get on board with that, schadenfreude-free. He’s a young guy, and he’s certainly riding Saban’s coattails to some degree, learning how to be a great coach. Had he said this last week, or even turned the job down without further comment, I would bear no ill will. But he’s known for at least THREE DAMN WEEKS that this was coming. And he did nothing to dispell the rumors. He embraced it. According to Pollack, he even signed a “term sheet” and then backed out.

So here’s the PERCEPTION of the thing, which in this day and age, is the REALITY: Smart used his Alma Mater, and the drama surrounding his potential hiring, to extort his current employer. How else can he spin it now? He’s getting a huge raise, which almost certainly deserved after this season, after a long dance with another school (have I mention that it’s his Alma Mater?), after reportedly coming to a gentleman’s agreement to work there. He’s put his Alma Mater’s fanbase in a huge tizzy, only to let them down. He’s made his Alma Mater look bad in front of the nation: He had a deal that would have made him the third-highest paid assistant in college football and, for some reason hidden behind his canned quotes, turned it down.

The only thing worse, after all of that, than him staying for a big payday is NOT getting a big payday. If his new contract at Bama is less than $600k per year for multiple years, that says to me that Georgia’s so effed up that it didn’t even take 50% to keep him away from the job. Now, any of the above would have been fine if he had just come out and said so earlier. Now he’s made his Alma Mater the schmucks of the college football world and left us STILL looking for that elusive DC hire. What about the guys we’re going to try to sell this job to (and that’s the point we’ve reached)?? Won’t they be wondering “What’s Wrong With Georgia” now that you got to H-hour and spit in our collective Dawg faces? Maybe he’s been working for Saban too long – I think he’s gone mercenary on us.

Well, I can tell you this much Kirby: One day, many years from now, you may come back to Sanford Stadium to celebrate the anniversary of one of the teams you were on, and MOST of the fans who have been the unwitting cast of this soap opera will cheer you for what you did as a player – me included. But know that from now until that day, when you step Between The Hedges you’ll be the enemy. I don’t care if you’re Bama’s DC or head coach, or a coach at the Armpit State School for Girl’s Basket Weaving, we’ll remember. And when Mark Richt retires? Forget it. Anyone who suggests you for the position will suffer hatred reserved only for Michael Adams. You took sides against the family. You’re nothing to us now. Not a brother, a friend, an alumnus, a potential coaching candidate. And no longer a DGD.

For my part, I’m going to be a huge Vikings and Cardinals fan this weekend. Maybe, just maybe, we can save some face and finally hire our DC. But somewhere, deep down, I’m rooting for another Van Gorder to be found. At a considerably cheaper rate than what we offered you. And I hope that your buddy Mike Bobo takes this personally and lights you up all the way until the triple zeroes show EVERY TIME you play us. I want to see you every year in Atlanta and I want to crush you and your SEC Championship dreams. And then I want to take you fishing, a la Fredo Corleone. You never take sides against the family. Ever.

Facebook just blew up and alerted me to the fact that Patrick Swayze just died from pancreatic cancer. He was 57. I don’t particularly give a damn about Hollywood or about pop culture in general (other than to know the answers for Jeopardy, whenever they call), but every once in a good while I run into someone I genuinely admire. Patrick Swayze was one of those guys. Great actor, by all accounts a good human being, and he took on, nay personified some of the most memorable roles in my lifetime.

First of all, he’s Dalton. FREAKING DALTON from “Roadhouse,” the movie that made every little boy want to become a bouncer. And he was Johnny from “Dirty Dancing,” which made being a male dance instructor seem less gay (and he was a pimp – that helped). “Ghost” was the penultimate 2nd base movie for high schoolers in the 90s, and he rocked that. Bodhi from “Point Break” made both surfing and bank robbing chic (helps that he played opposite uber-goober Keanu Reeves). And many other movies that I will stop channel surfing to watch: “Uncommon Valor“, “The Outsiders“, “North and South”, “To Wong Foo” (yeah, I said it), “Black Dog“, “Next of Kin”, and the list does go on. Pretty much anything except “Father Hood,” because that was a blatant sell out. And the ultimate movie for an 8-year-old-war-is-the-coolest-and-I-am-invincible-me: “Red Dawn.” The movie has tons of pop culture references (“GTA: San Andreas” comes immediately to mind). And this is part of the show where the heartfelt “R.I.P.” ends and the “W.T.F.” begins. read this entry »

No, I didn’t make the trip to Stillwater (thank God!) to see the expedition out west. SO many things went wrong that I scarcely know where to start. But the Interwebs and message boards are blowing up calling for everyone’s heads from Mark Richt to Hairy Dawg. Folks, take a minute to chill and get a little perspective. I thought we’d be able to impose our will on the offensive side of the ball and have us a good ol’ smash-mouth SEC-style slugfest. That didn’t happen, and as a result I feel much better about not taking the 5 points (good for me) and while things could have gone so much better everywhere, it could have been a lot worse. So….

The offense looked great for about 5 minutes (that would be the first series). We mixed up looks, used the run to set up the pass, threw in a few wrinkles and actually came away from a 3rd and Goal with more than 3 points. From there on, I’m not sure what happened. A lot of it has to do with play calling, and a lot with execution. I’m still not sure why we got away from the run (at least before Mighty Mouse, aka Carlton Thomas, fumbled after getting hammered trying to run between the tackles). I haven’t heard anything about Samuels having an injury issue, so I can assume it was by design. Of course, when you abandon the run and actually manage to give the QB time to go through his progressions the receivers have to catch the ball.

On that, first let me give a huge bunch of kudos to the O-line. I don’t know what game the people that are bad mouthing them watched, but that is certainly a strength this year. It’s a shame we lost Sturdivant for the year (again), but it’s not nearly as dire as it was last year. Consider that most of those Sophomores and Juniors wouldn’t have that kind of experience under their belts until late Junior or Senior year, and know that things are bright for a few years to come.

As to the passing game, well…. I get it that Cox was suffering from the flu and that it took TONS of cajones to even suit up and play that well. I even get that some of his passes weren’t that crisp and he missed a few – nerves, flu, adrenaline all can do that. But he missed some easy passes, and he missed some really open receivers (think that last INT). I’m already over the comparisons to the Tereshinski-Stafford season. Unless Cox gets hurt, then maybe we can see Mettenburgermeister fill in for Murray after he loses his confidence, before Murray gets his head on straight and comes back at the end of the Mettenburgermeister’s first career start and then go on to… What? Who? Gray? Oh hell, maybe we can just do a quick conversion to the Spread. What? The backup QB (Gray) lined up at PR again on Saturday? Um, methinketh “Backup QB” is an honorary title, sir.

Back on point now. On the passes that were just a little off, these receivers have to step up. I never played college ball, but I’d bet that the rule is the same as when I played in high school: If you can get your hands on it (or it hits you in the chest, Mr. Charles), you should catch it. ‘Nuff said.

About the running game, I’ll say this: If it works, don’t screw with it. A good push up front = 3 yards and a cloud of dust. A guy named Dooley did a pretty sweet job with that a few decades ago. In the age of spread offenses and smaller, faster defensive players to counter that, maybe you’ve got a paradigm shift that works. Like on the first series that scored a TD. Also, I keep reading about how Samuels ALMOST broke long a couple of times. Why didn’t this happen? Because he gets tackled where Knowshon kept going for 4 more yards. Not a criticism, per se, but the Bulldog Nation needs to realize that the Filet Mignon got drafted by the Broncos and we’re back to eating New York Strip. Finally, Carlton Thomas may be BUILT like Warrick Dunn, but he ISN’T Warrick Dunn. Keep the kid on the outside of the tackles until he gets a few more sandwiches in him.

There comes a time when you can prepare too much. Think about it – CMR and Company have been prepping for this game since JANUARY. From 8 months of Mike Bobo‘s work came a beautifully scripted first series that got us a TD. I think the rest of the time he actually out-thought himself, or maybe he over-experimented. When you’re getting a good balance and good results, keep it up. When their shutdown CB is off the field, throw to your star WR. When Perrish Cox went to sidelines, it’s like Bobo thought for sure it would open up the underneath routes on the other side, rather than launching it for AJ against an inferior defender. Don’t out scheme yourself, coach.

I’m not willing to anoint the defense as fixed, cured, or a team strength just yet. OSU killed themselves with the penalties (and we should KNOW how that affects an offense), we got zero sacks, barely generated a pass rush and lost the turnover battle 0 – 3 (not that we didn’t have opportunities). Let’s not forget that OSU appeared to be more balanced (Offense to Defense) and that this was their first game, too. And they were REALLY under pressure to have a good coming out at their new T(Boone Pickens)aj Mahal. On the plus side, we held them to under 4 yards per carry (albeit giving up 170+) and held their stud WR to 3 catches (albeit 2 of them for TDs). On the other hand, One Scheme Willie did have the aforementioned 8 months to prepare for this one, and OSU didn’t make any adjustments at halftime, really. Of course, our boy OSW didn’t either. The D didn’t look clueless, didn’t try to shoulder tackle, and considering how long they spent on the field against a team running a different tempo every other play, performed pretty OK.

Special Teams was again typically, hell – STEREOtypically, atrocious. Wait for that one to cost us the win that will be the difference between the C1 bowl and the Chik-Fil-A, and maybe we can get a full-time ST coach. I can’t say anymore than that the punter did well, in spite of the odds.

I will not mention the refs in this one, except to say that the calls were decidedly in our favor (that is to say, fair) in the first half and polarly opposite (that is to say, T Boone passed out a few envelopes at the break) in the second. Really, the officials made a few atrocious calls on both sides, usually one making up for the other, and there isn’t a whole lot to complain about with the OFFICIATING. That sissy “don’t hit the receiver when he’s extending for the ball” rule (i.e., Powder Puff Touch Football) is going to do the same thing to football that changing the strike zone did to MLB about 10 years ago. That is to say, make it frustratingly difficult for the great players and that much better for the average players. I thought we already had parity, more or less, in College Football. We don’t need this crap.

But take heart kids, this should be the worst game we see all year. And it was a non-conference game. Ask any coach or pundit worth their salt and they’ll tell you that greatest improvement a team makes is between game 1 and game 2. You can scrimmage all you like, but unless you play a patsy that is basically a pre-season game (you know, like Charleston Southern, Western Kentucky, Troy, Jackson St, Western Carolina, or any other school that either has a direction in the first part of their name or doesn’t have a “B” as the second letter of their division) playing the long game. A win would have been great, but we’ve had our best seasons when we play a solid first week opponent (although we’ve WON those games). All is not lost, Bulldog faithful. Use this Saturday as your measuring stick before deciding how early to start calling for heads on platters. The season starts with the SEC, and that season starts at 7:06 PM Between The Hedges this Saturday. I don’t know what the line is, but I’d wager (well, not really) that if you lost money by picking the Dawgs last weekend, you can make it back. I expect a nastiness and a swagger that we always have when we play the Chickens. I REALLY hope I’m right.

I first broke the news about this back in this post, so I’m finally getting around to going through the whole saga. Just to get this out up front, I’m fine and I was never in any real danger – so there’s no REAL drama involved here. But there was quite a bit of artificial drama created by yours truly, who generally acts like a little girl when it comes to certain things. Going under the knife is one of those things.

So, I found out about my inguinal hernia at my new hire physical 4 years ago. It didn’t come as a great surprise, seeing as how I’m an idiot that doesn’t lift with his bad knees and used to sell and deliver heavy duty truck and trailer parts. At the time, the doc told me about it and told me that it wouldn’t be a problem unless it got bigger. His suggestion was to wait until it bothered me before having surgery. Sounded like a good idea to me, since surgery implies expensive stuff – insurance or not.

Well, I’m not really sure how I managed to exacerbate the problem but one morning in July I did. REALLY did. I just woke up early one morning with the feeling that my nuts were being run through a wringer. For those of you keeping score at home, this is not one of the more pleasurable things in life. On closer inspection, I discovered a bulge about the size of an extra large egg on the left side of my groin. Oh, so that’s what the problem is……

I managed to hobble my way into work and got an appointment for the doc later that morning. And “hobbled” is the right word. I was literally taking very small steps while walking around bow-legged in an effort not to pinch or squeeze the “egg” in my crotch. Not that it really helped because I couldn’t determine rhyme or reason or pattern or logic in what set the pain-o-meter off. I could move the exact same way and one time it was fine and the next time brought back the ol’ nut wringer.

So I get to the doc’s office and the receptionist tells me that I’ll have to see his PA (Physician’s Assistant) because the doc got hung up out of the office. Apparently, the look of abject pain didn’t answer her question about whether or not that would be okay. I told her that I’d let the janitor look at it if he could give me a surgical consult and some pain meds. So they show me back into the exam room and the PA comes in. She tells me, again, that if I’m not comfortable with a woman examining me that the doc is now on his way back. I repeat the comment about the janitor, to which she replies that I look like I’m in pain. Ya think???

Well, she takes her look and gives me the facial equivalent of, “Holy shit – look at that!” The next thing she asks is what I want for the pain. Nice, the doc is giving me a blank check on the pharmacy. Unfortunately, they can’t get me in for a consult with the surgeon until the next day so I can’t get anything really good – I still have to drive and function and stuff. What she gave me (and I can’t remember the name of the stuff for the life of me) was super-duper Tylenol. It was like 1500mg of time-release acetaminophen. Unfortunately, this made the pain tolerable but did nothing to stop it.

Next day comes along and I get to meet the surgeon finally. Cool – I’m expecting to be on the table by Friday (it was a Tuesday, btw), Monday at the latest. The surgeon takes a look, has me cough, pokes and prods and such and shocks the hell out of me. He says that he can fix the hernia on the right side while he’s in there fixing the left side. What hernia on the right side??? Sure enough, he has me do the cough test on myself and there is one – small, but there. Then he informs me that he’ll put in a couple of extra stitches on the way out of my belly button to fix the umbilical hernia I also have. What??? Another one I don’t know about? Shit, this is getting worse as we go along. By the way, I also have one above my belly button that I’ve had for at least 10 years. We can’t fix that one on this run, though. Super…..

Now for the next bit of good news – he can’t get me on the schedule for 2 weeks! Not next Monday, but the NEXT Monday. And what can he prescribe for pain that won’t turn me into a zombie? More of the same stuff I’m on now. Awesome. Well, I guess this is what I get for never going to the doctor. So I wait. And worry. And generally act like a little girl.

See, I’ve never been knocked out for the purposes of improving my health. Granted, I’ve been knocked out before and drank myself into a coma more times than is reasonable or healthy, but I’ve never been put to sleep. Just the phrase itself reminds me of euthanasia, and I’m not quite ready for that yet. So, my healthy skepticism of the medical profession in general coupled with my great distaste (I prefer “distaste” over “fear”) of the unknown and the fact that I know I’m going to be completely out of control of my fate and that I’m going to feel markedly worse when I wake up, you get a thoroughly freaked out Bill. Good times. I even went so far as to update my will and create a living will, which I’m told is standard practice and common sense but strikes me as a bit overly-dramatic.

I had my pre-surgical testing and stuff the Friday before at the hospital. I was not pleased about several things coming from this. First, they wanted my blood – well, a vial. After the Navy used me as a pincushion/dart board for all those years I got used to needles. I can handle shots, but feeling my life force leaving my body through a needle is something different. I almost always get lightheaded and have occasionally passed out. For the record, I did not pass out this time. The second thing that annoyed me was that the hospital was running NetWare for Windows. Great, I can’t even get a medical facility that’s left the 20th Century. Thirdly, they gave me the “Do Nots” list for the day before the surgery.

Included in this was Do Not take your meds for 2 days prior to the surgery because it had something to do with conflicts with the anesthesia or bleeding or something. Also, Do Not have anything to eat or drink after midnight the night before. Okay, they’re checking me in at 0800. Not great, but I can live that long I guess. By the way, Do Not have any nicotine after that stroke of 12 either. Look, I have to get up at 0630 to get everything situated to get to the hospital on time. You’re telling me that you want a freaked out Jarhead coming in for surgery and you’re going to allow him not food, nor coffee, nor nicotine for 8 hours? And you think this is a good idea? Right….

Well, I do almost all of this. I had some water about 0200 and a cigarette about 0300. I don’t think this will affect the success of the surgery and will probably spare a few people my wrath. Plus, they tell me that once I wake up I have to piss before they’ll let me go home. So I was trying to stay hydrated as much as possible because I was dead set on this being an outpatient procedure.

Everything was pretty cool at the hospital, though. They took me right back and got me dressed out. I never felt the nurse stick me for the IV. The coolest thing I remember is that the doc had prescribed a heartburn med through the IV and while the nurse was giving it she told me that I might get a metallic taste in the back of my mouth. As soon as she said this, I got the taste. This IV thing is some cool shit! What else can they deliver this way?? Nothing else that I remember.

They gave me Versed for my happy dose. I remember signing the consent form and I remember the anesthesiologist starting what I have learned is called an “IV push.” My next memory was from the operating room. According to Whit and her brother, who is an OR tech at the hospital, when the doc came in I tried to introduce him to Whit. Reportedly, the conversation went something like, “Hey doc! This is my,,,my,,,ummm,,,Fuck it.” It is also alleged that I said my nose itched and my attempt to scratch it resulted in me poking myself in the eye on the other side of my head. Repeatedly, without success. Since I don’t remember this, I question the veracity and refuse to take responsibility for anything else I said or did while under the influence.

I remember being in the Operating Room and I recall that they had folded the wings of the tables out so that I looked like they were about to crucify me (or had already). Had I not been so completely stoned I probably would have freaked the fuck out. I also remember them putting the warmest, most snuggliest towels ever all over me. Then somebody asked me if I was going to sleep and I replied that I was almost there. She told me to take a deep breath from the “oxygen mask” she had. My last conscious thought was that I couldn’t exhale into the thing because of the pressure.

When I came to in recovery, the first thing I did was look over at the anesthesiologist and say to her, “You tricked me.” She smiled at me and got my nurse. The nurse started checking vitals and such when the urge hit me. I asked her for a urinal, to which she responded that she’d get one in just a second. I told her that I was about to have an accident and that she should hurry. She handed me one of those blue plastic pee jugs and as she walked to the door said that she’d give me some privacy for a few minutes. Before she got the door open, I was done. I was surprised how dehydrated I was. For all the urge of my bladder feeling like it was going to burst, I squeezed out maybe an ounce of what looked like sweet tea. Whatever, I checked the box – let me out of here.

By the time the doc came back by, the nurse had rounded up Whit and everybody else had been by to check me out. I was waiting on him to come by and give me his blessing to leave. Oh, and drugs too. And boy, did he! He tells me that I’ll be in excruciating pain for a week and then I’ll feel better gradually. Because he’s such a swell guy, he gave me 30 of the big Lortab with a refill! And the refill is good for a year, for some reason. Well, whatever – let me out of here. So I manage to get dressed with minimal difficulties and Whit goes to get her truck to take me home.

This little candy striper offered me a wheelchair ride, which I refused on the grounds that I managed to dress myself without pain, thus I could make it to the front door on my own. My nurse then explained to me that the reason I had no pain was because I was feeling no pain at all because I was still stoned out of my gourd. While she was explaining this to me, I noticed that she got kind of blurry and then briefly cloned herself before my eyes. I took this as a sign that I should probably not try the whole walking thing at this moment.

So I got home without further incident. Let me preface the rest of this by saying that I rarely get sick. Sure, I get the sniffles and allergies and such, but if I don’t make it to work I’m simply using these symptoms as a crutch or an excuse to sleep in. The last time I was actually, honestly, really too sick to go in was about 4 years ago when I had walking pneumonia. Hand in hand, when I’m really sick I’m not such a Tough Guy. More accurately, I’m pitiful. So when we walk in the house I plop my ass down on the couch while Whit makes supper and whatnot.

When chow is ready and she tries to bring me a bowl on the couch, I promptly assert my manhood and walk (hobble) to the table and eat. Then I hobble back to the couch and assume the position again. Before being drugged, I made the rational decision to sleep on the couch for a couple of days rather than try to negotiate the stairs to the master bedroom by myself because Whit had the night shift for the 3 days following my surgery. This proved to be prophetic.

….go without shoes. That’s how it works, right? Brought about by a profound admiration of the great, half-white hope I’ve started buying into this whole “Social Networking” thing. No, not MySpace. I’m not sure how to describe the tapioca abortion that MySpace has become. Honestly, how did the “Digital Generation” get the idea in their empty little heads that throwing as much shit as humanly possible on to a single page qualifies as having an online presence. I’ve been unfortunate enough to come across some MySpace pages that almost gave me a seizure.

No, think of MySpace as the annoying, 10-year-old little sister. I’m talking about the grown up version of Social Networking, Facebook. I’m enjoying me some Facebook. And it’s adopted cousin (step-cousin?) Twitter. I’m digging these for a few reasons, most of which can be found rooted in laziness I guess. Most of the posts on this site are either sports related or very long and grammatically correct and all that jazz. The aforementioned cousins let me get away from all that and, well, interact with people.

First of all, I got into the whole SN business as part of my job. I wanted to A) verify that I could get to it when I needed to and, most importantly, B) block most of the retards on my network from goofing off there. So I’ve had these profiles for a couple of years and haven’t done much with any of them. Out of the blue, I get pinged by this chick I went to school with. That snowballed into me getting hit up by several others (most of whom I never would have guessed knew how to get on the internet), which made me wonder how many others I could track down. A lot. A LOT. I’ve found AT LEAST 80 people I’ve known throughout the years that I haven’t kept in touch with. I’m terribly remiss in correspondence and this just makes it oh so easy. For example, the dude who split my head open with one well-placed elbow. Family, lots of folks I went school with, old Jarheads, etc. Good times.

Second, it’s so informal. I can easily drop something on somebody’s wall and be done with it. There’s no formatting or organizing an email, because this is the internet’s way of running into somebody on the street. And it’s a good way to send a broadcast message to everybody without having to address it to them. So no more worrying about including everybody’s email (and getting on my Dad’s SPAMTO: list) or multiple emails to everybody leaving out whatever you don’t want them to know. If I want to broadcast it, it’s on my board; it’s not my fault you didn’t read it.

Thirdly, most importantly I think, is the mobility of it all. I made myself a Twitter account eons ago and even toyed with coding a Flash app that could sit on my desktop, just so I could tweet at will. Then I saw that a buddy of mine updated his status via Twitter and I thought that was a swell idea. Then I really got to thinking about how nice it would be if I could just do all of this from my Crackberry. Lo and behold, it worked! They make mobile apps for EVERYTHING nowadays. How sweet is that? So, while I was waiting for the family-types to show up (late) for dinner, I was able to catch up with the Facebook messages and Tweet my displeasure with the general tardiness of women. NICE!!!!

So, the site will stay around and might even get updated for awhile if I can find the time away from my 2 new shiny vices online, and if there’s anything relevant for me to say that won’t fit on my wall…. And, provided that the site is dependable. I don’t want to think about how much time I spent just trying to get this new post page open. Note to self: think about reliable hosting sometime……